Brrraaaaiinnnnsss......
Location: Purmo, Finland
Local Youth: Successfully Corrupted
Let me tell you a little bit about Finland.
Upon hearing of the national leisure activities of Finland, one can't help but react as an evil fantasy sorceress would upon hearing that the Child, the Chosen One Who Bears the Mark has been born, and has escaped from her clutches due to the bumbling of an incompetant lackey. "You did what?"
There is a Wife-Carrying Competition. By this I mean a footrace in which the men competing are forced to tote their wives from starting line to finish, making stark reality out of the old 'ball-and-chain' metaphor. On top of that, the positions they use to carry her in the most efficient way possible are such that the Kama Sutra would balk for fear of upsetting the cosmic balance. Yea, and take heed, for such abominations shall surely meet with bunyons and global jeering.
Oh, and they have a plowing competition, as well. It's to see how well someone can drive a tractor. I was unaware that this took a lot of skill, but surely even the most jaded Olympics official must sit up and be made aware. Medals must be awarded and airtime must be devoted as we attempt to see who can make ditches the fastest and straightest.
Do these events represent only a tiny fraction of the population? Perhaps. But I can pass nonsensical judgement on the country as a whole anyway. I'm pretty sure that's one of my unalienable rights as an American Citizen (i.e. deity).
There's also ice hockey and soccer, but they're not as funny.
October 6
Today was largely uneventful - a rest day - until dinnertime, when we drove to the nearby town of SomethingFinnish to have dinner with Malin's parents. They were simply a lovely couple, old and wrinkled and nice as you please. The ladies prepared a kind of cheesy meat pie (very good) while the men watched old John Cleese sketches and talked about nuclear fallout (like you do). Malin's dad had a surprising amount to say about nuclear fallout. As it turns out, he went to Chernobyl some time back, doing charity work. What kind of charity? Cancer charity. Let me make this clear: this man drove into Chernobyl carting a busload of irradiated, cancerous children. If that doesn't take a noble sense of irony and dispassionate good heart, I don't know what does. He was very enthusiastic on the subject and quite well-spoken. And there were pictures. I learned a lot. He also expressed disdain for the per capita population of alcoholics in Eastern Europe and Russia. I'm inclined to believe him. After all, this is like Saladin lecturing you on sand. There's expertise involved.
October 7
Lazy morning. Early afternoon we walk about 2 km down the road (getting chilly in Finland about this time) to a village fair.
Oh, right... villages. They have villages here. I didn't know villages still existed. Cities, towns, municipalities, even a hamlet here and there, but villages? Didn't they die off during the friggin' Industrial Revolution? The only time I'd ever heard the word used before coming to Finland was in conjunction with the word 'Ewok,' or the like. But that's what they live in around here. Villages.
As 'village' implies small, so was the village fair. Pretty much just a handful of local merchants hawking furs and cakes surrounding a surprisingly good all-you-can-eat buffet. There were ponies as well, for the kiddies to ride. The best part about the ponies was that Caj is allergic to them. That sounds malicious, but it's not. Remember the first time you saw a cartoon of an elephant running from a mouse? That's what it's like to see this dynamic adventurer turn tail at the sight of a precious little Shetland pony.
There was also a nice creek running along the back of the fair area. Took a walk there. Woot.
October 8
Up earlier than usual this morning. Went into Jakobstad, the nearby 'big city' of 25,000 people, to have lunch at Caj's grandparents' apartment. Malin claims that Jakobstad is a lovely town, but I just don't see it. Everything seems potholed and almost falling down. Not the kind of place I'd like to live. Much prefer Purmo, as Finland's strength definitely seems to lie in its countryside.
Given that, the grandparents' apartment is quite cozy. They are still friendly as all get out, in their non-English speaking sort of way. I have to admit, I took a sick kind of pleasure in talking about them right in front of their faces, knowing they had no idea what I was saying. I'm sure that bilingual people do it to me all the time, so it's only right that I get a stab at it. They serve us a five-course lunch of fish, fruit, pea soup, cheese, crackers, and such. All quite good, but they are heavy into the grandparently instinct of "Must feed young people... MORE! MORE!" Leave stuffed but happy.
Malin goes to a 'blog date' (gathering for bloggers in the area, ok) and Caj and I head to his grandparents' cottage on a nearby artificial lake to do some fishing. Very pretty at the lake, even though the pike we're fishing for are nowhere about. It's ok, since we had bought some sausage for dinner in anticipation of that. Caj and I mess around on a pullup bar around the cottage, me feeling depressed at how athletic Caj is and doubly depressed by how much muscle I've apparently lost over the summer, then head home.
End night with a sauna so hot I often couldn't breathe. Apparently that's the "right way" to do it here. Why is it that the "right way" of so many cultural activities takes you just short of the point of death? Maybe that is there way of proving to Lord Thor that they are, indeed, hardcore.
October 9
The day of hilarity. Today I have been asked to attend a local high school as a guest lecturer (never thought that would happen) and talk to a class of Finnish 9th graders about what it is like to be young in America. You might be able to guess what I would be like in front of a classroom of kids with total free reign over what to say. The education I imparted?
-School is completely unimportant. The main purpose of public schooling is to meet people to have sex with. My favorite quote: "If your goal in school is to have sex with as many of your classmates as possible before graduating, you won't be disappointed."
-America is an awful, awful place to visit, particularly Idaho, Utah, and Texas (because of potatoes, religious fanatics, and overenthusiastic cowboys, respectively). Doubly funny to me because I've never actually been to any of those states.
-All Americans are expert zombie hunters.
I'm not kidding. I told them these things. I have some of it on video tape. All told the lecture took about an hour, then we broke into smaller groups so I could talk to them more intimately. Interestingly enough, the teacher loved what I had to say. She kept praising me for such an "original" and "provocative" lecture. Neat.
Oh, by the way... did I mention that this was the "special" class at the school? The reason all these kids were even in this class is because they had displayed a lack of motivation to learn. Oh, sweet, delicious irony.
After having lunch with some of the school's faculty, Caj and I hooked up with a teaching colleague of his named Jan (pronounced YAHN; male), who took us kayaking. This was incredible, a free kayaking trip with an experienced guide. Bonus. We actually went out on the same artificial lake that we had fished on yesterday, which, counting surface area, is the largest artificial lake in the world. Its name is Lars-something unpronouncable. The trip was fun, despite being about 8 degrees Celsius and drizzling. It was very long and my shoulders and arms are killing me from all the paddling, but it was also fun and quite pretty. At one point we went out through a sluicegate into the Baltic Sea. Aside from the coolness of kayaking on the Baltic Sea, the sluicegate was fun for the Death Star trash compactor feel it imparted. Damn you, 3p0! Where could he be?
Back home for a spaghetti dinner. Caj and Malin graciously allow themselves to be interviewed for "The Suitcase Life," then the three of us sit down to watch "Capture the Flag." Always enjoyable.
And now, with a 4:00 AM train ticket, it's off to bed.
Progress Thus Far:
Countries Visited: 3
Stupid Tourist Moments: 9
Monuments Flipped Off: 6
Free Food Ganked: 2
Free Booze Ganked: 5
why don't we tell the children?
-Dostoyevsky, "The Idiot"
Local Youth: Successfully Corrupted
Let me tell you a little bit about Finland.
Upon hearing of the national leisure activities of Finland, one can't help but react as an evil fantasy sorceress would upon hearing that the Child, the Chosen One Who Bears the Mark has been born, and has escaped from her clutches due to the bumbling of an incompetant lackey. "You did what?"
There is a Wife-Carrying Competition. By this I mean a footrace in which the men competing are forced to tote their wives from starting line to finish, making stark reality out of the old 'ball-and-chain' metaphor. On top of that, the positions they use to carry her in the most efficient way possible are such that the Kama Sutra would balk for fear of upsetting the cosmic balance. Yea, and take heed, for such abominations shall surely meet with bunyons and global jeering.Oh, and they have a plowing competition, as well. It's to see how well someone can drive a tractor. I was unaware that this took a lot of skill, but surely even the most jaded Olympics official must sit up and be made aware. Medals must be awarded and airtime must be devoted as we attempt to see who can make ditches the fastest and straightest.
Do these events represent only a tiny fraction of the population? Perhaps. But I can pass nonsensical judgement on the country as a whole anyway. I'm pretty sure that's one of my unalienable rights as an American Citizen (i.e. deity).
There's also ice hockey and soccer, but they're not as funny.
October 6
Today was largely uneventful - a rest day - until dinnertime, when we drove to the nearby town of SomethingFinnish to have dinner with Malin's parents. They were simply a lovely couple, old and wrinkled and nice as you please. The ladies prepared a kind of cheesy meat pie (very good) while the men watched old John Cleese sketches and talked about nuclear fallout (like you do). Malin's dad had a surprising amount to say about nuclear fallout. As it turns out, he went to Chernobyl some time back, doing charity work. What kind of charity? Cancer charity. Let me make this clear: this man drove into Chernobyl carting a busload of irradiated, cancerous children. If that doesn't take a noble sense of irony and dispassionate good heart, I don't know what does. He was very enthusiastic on the subject and quite well-spoken. And there were pictures. I learned a lot. He also expressed disdain for the per capita population of alcoholics in Eastern Europe and Russia. I'm inclined to believe him. After all, this is like Saladin lecturing you on sand. There's expertise involved.
October 7
Lazy morning. Early afternoon we walk about 2 km down the road (getting chilly in Finland about this time) to a village fair.
Oh, right... villages. They have villages here. I didn't know villages still existed. Cities, towns, municipalities, even a hamlet here and there, but villages? Didn't they die off during the friggin' Industrial Revolution? The only time I'd ever heard the word used before coming to Finland was in conjunction with the word 'Ewok,' or the like. But that's what they live in around here. Villages.
As 'village' implies small, so was the village fair. Pretty much just a handful of local merchants hawking furs and cakes surrounding a surprisingly good all-you-can-eat buffet. There were ponies as well, for the kiddies to ride. The best part about the ponies was that Caj is allergic to them. That sounds malicious, but it's not. Remember the first time you saw a cartoon of an elephant running from a mouse? That's what it's like to see this dynamic adventurer turn tail at the sight of a precious little Shetland pony.
There was also a nice creek running along the back of the fair area. Took a walk there. Woot.
October 8
Up earlier than usual this morning. Went into Jakobstad, the nearby 'big city' of 25,000 people, to have lunch at Caj's grandparents' apartment. Malin claims that Jakobstad is a lovely town, but I just don't see it. Everything seems potholed and almost falling down. Not the kind of place I'd like to live. Much prefer Purmo, as Finland's strength definitely seems to lie in its countryside.
Given that, the grandparents' apartment is quite cozy. They are still friendly as all get out, in their non-English speaking sort of way. I have to admit, I took a sick kind of pleasure in talking about them right in front of their faces, knowing they had no idea what I was saying. I'm sure that bilingual people do it to me all the time, so it's only right that I get a stab at it. They serve us a five-course lunch of fish, fruit, pea soup, cheese, crackers, and such. All quite good, but they are heavy into the grandparently instinct of "Must feed young people... MORE! MORE!" Leave stuffed but happy.
Malin goes to a 'blog date' (gathering for bloggers in the area, ok) and Caj and I head to his grandparents' cottage on a nearby artificial lake to do some fishing. Very pretty at the lake, even though the pike we're fishing for are nowhere about. It's ok, since we had bought some sausage for dinner in anticipation of that. Caj and I mess around on a pullup bar around the cottage, me feeling depressed at how athletic Caj is and doubly depressed by how much muscle I've apparently lost over the summer, then head home.End night with a sauna so hot I often couldn't breathe. Apparently that's the "right way" to do it here. Why is it that the "right way" of so many cultural activities takes you just short of the point of death? Maybe that is there way of proving to Lord Thor that they are, indeed, hardcore.
October 9
The day of hilarity. Today I have been asked to attend a local high school as a guest lecturer (never thought that would happen) and talk to a class of Finnish 9th graders about what it is like to be young in America. You might be able to guess what I would be like in front of a classroom of kids with total free reign over what to say. The education I imparted?
-School is completely unimportant. The main purpose of public schooling is to meet people to have sex with. My favorite quote: "If your goal in school is to have sex with as many of your classmates as possible before graduating, you won't be disappointed."
-America is an awful, awful place to visit, particularly Idaho, Utah, and Texas (because of potatoes, religious fanatics, and overenthusiastic cowboys, respectively). Doubly funny to me because I've never actually been to any of those states.
-All Americans are expert zombie hunters.
I'm not kidding. I told them these things. I have some of it on video tape. All told the lecture took about an hour, then we broke into smaller groups so I could talk to them more intimately. Interestingly enough, the teacher loved what I had to say. She kept praising me for such an "original" and "provocative" lecture. Neat.
Oh, by the way... did I mention that this was the "special" class at the school? The reason all these kids were even in this class is because they had displayed a lack of motivation to learn. Oh, sweet, delicious irony.
After having lunch with some of the school's faculty, Caj and I hooked up with a teaching colleague of his named Jan (pronounced YAHN; male), who took us kayaking. This was incredible, a free kayaking trip with an experienced guide. Bonus. We actually went out on the same artificial lake that we had fished on yesterday, which, counting surface area, is the largest artificial lake in the world. Its name is Lars-something unpronouncable. The trip was fun, despite being about 8 degrees Celsius and drizzling. It was very long and my shoulders and arms are killing me from all the paddling, but it was also fun and quite pretty. At one point we went out through a sluicegate into the Baltic Sea. Aside from the coolness of kayaking on the Baltic Sea, the sluicegate was fun for the Death Star trash compactor feel it imparted. Damn you, 3p0! Where could he be?
Back home for a spaghetti dinner. Caj and Malin graciously allow themselves to be interviewed for "The Suitcase Life," then the three of us sit down to watch "Capture the Flag." Always enjoyable.
And now, with a 4:00 AM train ticket, it's off to bed.
Progress Thus Far:
Countries Visited: 3
Stupid Tourist Moments: 9
Monuments Flipped Off: 6
Free Food Ganked: 2
Free Booze Ganked: 5
why don't we tell the children?
-Dostoyevsky, "The Idiot"
posted by Will Jones at 10:58 AM
1 Comments:
I was wondering how the wife-carrying competition works? I mean Are there different levels based on weight and size of the wife? What happens when the wife is like 500lbs with a husband that is like 200lbs?
Anyway, I'm enjoying reading about your adventures Will! Godspeed! :)
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