Carve the Roast Beast
Location: Ljubljana, Slovenia
Tourist Population: 2
I know what you're saying: "Slovenia is a country? And how the hell do you pronounce that city?" The answers to both of those questions are unknown, presumably lost inside the hot belly of a platinum dragon, or similar frightening entity.
Slovenia is, supposedly, a country, in the same sense that smokers know that smoking is bad for you: it may be true, but it doesn't seem to matter, really. The place is tiny, not much larger than Belgium, and sandwiched in between Italy and Croatia such that it is lost in an ever-growing struggle for yet better beach-front property. For all that, the country is really quite pretty, quaint in a way that the Netherlands might have achieved in some hitherto-forgotten era.
November 6
My train ride from Budapest to Ljubljana (LOOB-ee-YAHN-uh) takes most of the day, about eight and a half hours, all told. I leave at just before noon, and it is worth note that the Hungarian desk clerk at the railway station exhibited the same no-nonsense, pleasant efficiency seen demonstrated in the etymology of "Budapest." Rock and roll.
The train is one of the deadest I have ever been on, averaging about 5% capacity the entire way and with conductors that might have been apparitions from Sleepy Hollow for the frequency with which the appeared. I have the pleasure of sharing my compartment with a jovial Australian man named Bruce (eat your heart out, Monty Python). We spend the entire time talking of life, love, and traveling, and he truly was a pleasant companion (as was my newly-obtained copy of "The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes," when conversation died down). Nothing really of note in the journey itself, except for the observation that a few cheap floodlights can make even the homeliest structure seem a top-notch tourist attraction by night, as we often observed.
Upon reaching Ljubljana, Bruce and I hit a kebab shop (sadly there was no dining car on the train) and part ways to go to our respective hostels. I get only slightly lost, making it to my hostel in about 20 minutes and settling in for the night. The hostel, dubbed Vila Veselova, is spacious and impeccably clean, and this late in the season holds only two travelers (myself and a Canadian chap named Kyle), so each of us get an enormous 8-bed room to ourselves. Sweet. I dream sweet dreamy dreams in comfort.
November 7
Today is my only real day in Ljubljana, so I've got to make it count. Fortunately, Slovenia's largest city is small enough - roughly the size of a backyard kiddie pool - that it isn't hard to see everything in a day.
I set out late and my first goal is lunch, as much befits my self-evident portly stature. I hit up a local restaurant the hostel guy recommends to me called Sokol, famed for it's atmosphere and traditional Slovenian food. The food and decor are top-notch, though the prices are a tad steep and the waiter is an absolute dick (thanks for making it an easy decision not to tip, asshole). I fill up on game ghoulash (mmmm... wild boar...) and bread dumpling, then move on.
As I wander around town, I can't help but start to sing the opening song from "Beauty & The Beast," (you know, the one about the sleepy little provincial town) such is the simple charm of even this main Slovenian city. Why, I bet they don't even lock their doors at night. I must rob them blind.
Next stop is Ljubljana Castle, an imposing feature topping steep climb at the center of the town. The walk is brisk and refreshing and the castle quite pretty, but as castles go it doesn't hold attention for very long. The main tower is under construction and thus unavailable, and the tours are purely useless. There is one neat, albeit random art gallery depicting scenes from one particular region of China, the name of which escapes me. Slovenia and China make odd bedfellows in my head, indeed forming the kind of hypothetical sovereign pornography that I generally try to avoid. I use the view from the battlements to give Ljubljana the finger, then move on.
I stumble upon the ruins of an ancient Roman wall that use to circle the area, which is cooler in thought than in sight. It's a bit odd because one of Slovenia's most celebrated architects (now there's a superlative worth a suicide or two) decided to build a strange pyramid-shaped gate in the middle of the wall. Apparently Mr. Slovene McWanks-a-lot knows Roman architecture better than the friggin' Romans. I give his pointy monument the finger for messing with ancient Rome, and move on.
A bit more wandering and I find myself back at the hostel in time to prepare for the evening. Kyle the Canadian invites me out with he and his friends, and I gratefully accept. After a late start, we head to a local bar, owned by the same guy who owns the hostel, for a bite to eat and some beers. The sandwiches are good but I need two of them to fill up, and the beer is excellent, if not as strong as I've gotten used to in Eastern Europe. We absorb the atmosphere, then decide to take a walk, motivated mainly by Kyle's need to obtain more tools for his cancerous addictions. He is able to secure cigarettes but no lighter, so I declare the whole endeavour a victory for sensible folk everywhere.
Of note: there is a sign on one of the main boulevards of Ljubljana pointing to the World Trade Center. It gives neither distance nor address, just an arrow pointing vaguely that way. I can't help but think it is odd that they would have a sign pointing to something from 9,000 miles and 6 years ago. Ouch.
Heading back to the bar, we discover that the majority of the fun people decided not to show up tonight. Undaunted, Kyle and the one guy he can track down decide to blaze up a joint behind the bar. In no mood to smoke with uneducated people I don't know in a strange country known for it's harsh drug use penalties, I politely bow out and head home, content with my obtained beer, food, and laughs.
Progress Thus Far:
Countries Visited: 8
Stupid Tourist Moments: 47
Monuments Flipped Off: 38
Free Booze Ganked: 10
Free Food Ganked: 24
it's time to take some action, boys
it's time to follow me!
-from "Beauty and the Beast"
Tourist Population: 2
I know what you're saying: "Slovenia is a country? And how the hell do you pronounce that city?" The answers to both of those questions are unknown, presumably lost inside the hot belly of a platinum dragon, or similar frightening entity.
Slovenia is, supposedly, a country, in the same sense that smokers know that smoking is bad for you: it may be true, but it doesn't seem to matter, really. The place is tiny, not much larger than Belgium, and sandwiched in between Italy and Croatia such that it is lost in an ever-growing struggle for yet better beach-front property. For all that, the country is really quite pretty, quaint in a way that the Netherlands might have achieved in some hitherto-forgotten era.
November 6
My train ride from Budapest to Ljubljana (LOOB-ee-YAHN-uh) takes most of the day, about eight and a half hours, all told. I leave at just before noon, and it is worth note that the Hungarian desk clerk at the railway station exhibited the same no-nonsense, pleasant efficiency seen demonstrated in the etymology of "Budapest." Rock and roll.
The train is one of the deadest I have ever been on, averaging about 5% capacity the entire way and with conductors that might have been apparitions from Sleepy Hollow for the frequency with which the appeared. I have the pleasure of sharing my compartment with a jovial Australian man named Bruce (eat your heart out, Monty Python). We spend the entire time talking of life, love, and traveling, and he truly was a pleasant companion (as was my newly-obtained copy of "The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes," when conversation died down). Nothing really of note in the journey itself, except for the observation that a few cheap floodlights can make even the homeliest structure seem a top-notch tourist attraction by night, as we often observed.
Upon reaching Ljubljana, Bruce and I hit a kebab shop (sadly there was no dining car on the train) and part ways to go to our respective hostels. I get only slightly lost, making it to my hostel in about 20 minutes and settling in for the night. The hostel, dubbed Vila Veselova, is spacious and impeccably clean, and this late in the season holds only two travelers (myself and a Canadian chap named Kyle), so each of us get an enormous 8-bed room to ourselves. Sweet. I dream sweet dreamy dreams in comfort.
November 7
Today is my only real day in Ljubljana, so I've got to make it count. Fortunately, Slovenia's largest city is small enough - roughly the size of a backyard kiddie pool - that it isn't hard to see everything in a day.
I set out late and my first goal is lunch, as much befits my self-evident portly stature. I hit up a local restaurant the hostel guy recommends to me called Sokol, famed for it's atmosphere and traditional Slovenian food. The food and decor are top-notch, though the prices are a tad steep and the waiter is an absolute dick (thanks for making it an easy decision not to tip, asshole). I fill up on game ghoulash (mmmm... wild boar...) and bread dumpling, then move on.
As I wander around town, I can't help but start to sing the opening song from "Beauty & The Beast," (you know, the one about the sleepy little provincial town) such is the simple charm of even this main Slovenian city. Why, I bet they don't even lock their doors at night. I must rob them blind.Next stop is Ljubljana Castle, an imposing feature topping steep climb at the center of the town. The walk is brisk and refreshing and the castle quite pretty, but as castles go it doesn't hold attention for very long. The main tower is under construction and thus unavailable, and the tours are purely useless. There is one neat, albeit random art gallery depicting scenes from one particular region of China, the name of which escapes me. Slovenia and China make odd bedfellows in my head, indeed forming the kind of hypothetical sovereign pornography that I generally try to avoid. I use the view from the battlements to give Ljubljana the finger, then move on.
I stumble upon the ruins of an ancient Roman wall that use to circle the area, which is cooler in thought than in sight. It's a bit odd because one of Slovenia's most celebrated architects (now there's a superlative worth a suicide or two) decided to build a strange pyramid-shaped gate in the middle of the wall. Apparently Mr. Slovene McWanks-a-lot knows Roman architecture better than the friggin' Romans. I give his pointy monument the finger for messing with ancient Rome, and move on.
A bit more wandering and I find myself back at the hostel in time to prepare for the evening. Kyle the Canadian invites me out with he and his friends, and I gratefully accept. After a late start, we head to a local bar, owned by the same guy who owns the hostel, for a bite to eat and some beers. The sandwiches are good but I need two of them to fill up, and the beer is excellent, if not as strong as I've gotten used to in Eastern Europe. We absorb the atmosphere, then decide to take a walk, motivated mainly by Kyle's need to obtain more tools for his cancerous addictions. He is able to secure cigarettes but no lighter, so I declare the whole endeavour a victory for sensible folk everywhere.
Of note: there is a sign on one of the main boulevards of Ljubljana pointing to the World Trade Center. It gives neither distance nor address, just an arrow pointing vaguely that way. I can't help but think it is odd that they would have a sign pointing to something from 9,000 miles and 6 years ago. Ouch.
Heading back to the bar, we discover that the majority of the fun people decided not to show up tonight. Undaunted, Kyle and the one guy he can track down decide to blaze up a joint behind the bar. In no mood to smoke with uneducated people I don't know in a strange country known for it's harsh drug use penalties, I politely bow out and head home, content with my obtained beer, food, and laughs.
Progress Thus Far:
Countries Visited: 8
Stupid Tourist Moments: 47
Monuments Flipped Off: 38
Free Booze Ganked: 10
Free Food Ganked: 24
it's time to take some action, boys
it's time to follow me!
-from "Beauty and the Beast"
posted by Will Jones at 10:12 AM
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